Millionaire Worthy: A Performance
Brooklyn International Performance Art Festival, Hard Watching program
July 21, 2013 at Glasshouse, NYC
Hi I'm Angela Washko, you may remember me from....like, selling the first vine video and other famewhoreish pursuits like years of curating exhibitions of artists who are more established than me. Well in my new life, I'm a self-employed data analyst of Patti Stanger and her reality tv show Millionaire Matchmaker. I consider myself a disciple in the "gospel of Patti" (I may have coined this term, though I'm not sure). Anyhow, after watching all 72 episodes of Millionaire Matchmaker and creating thorough databases from patterns in the show (particularly every description of a male millionaire detailing what he is looking for and also Patti's criticism of the women vying to meet those millionaire men) I came up with an analytic formula for women looking to land rich, successful husbands above all else.
Forget personal success (you definitely don't want to compete with your man), your alternative edge, the color pink, and definitely your blue eyeshadow! Find your inner big tits (or a push-up bra, honey), great ass, family values, desire to have children and long-straight-brown hair. Get your head in the game, girl! I've got all you need to land that rich, successful, highly deserving, and immensely discerning millionaire man you've always dreamed of in this performative lecture.